Mother’s Day - Then and Now
Growing up we always celebrated Mother’s Day at church. For as long as I can remember my parents ordered corsages/boutonnieres for us to wear. Red honored your mother and white was in memory of your mother. My Mom, sister, brother and myself always had red corsages/boutonnieres and my Dad had white. I never really thought about how my Dad felt not having his mother. He never really talked about it. Getting any information from by Dad about his childhood/past was like pulling teeth. I knew she passed away when he was a child, but that was it. On Mother’s Day at church, we honored the youngest, oldest, newest, and mother with the most kids present, etc. during service. It was always a special day and we normally ended up going out to eat after church.
One memorable Mother’s Day was back in May 2008. My college graduation was held on Mother's Day. What better gift could I give than graduating with my college degree? My Mom was a teacher and education was extremely important to her. I don’t know if my Mom knew whether or not I was going to graduate. This was definitely a present. Let’s just say that I loved my social life in college! The conversation that I had after completing my first semester got me all the way together! I loved when my family was all together during any type of celebration. It was always a time full of love and laughter.
On Sunday, May 12, 2013, we gathered at my grandmother’s house to have Sunday dinner after church. My Mom’s cancer had come back, and it was spreading rather quickly. We were told that she would have to start chemo, but eventually she was going to have to be placed in hospice. It was understood that this was going to be her last Mother’s Day with us. Since she wasn’t feeling sick, we were going to make the most of it. I drove up from TN and my sister drove down from Maryland. My Aunt and my Grandmother loved cooking, which was something my Mother did not. She was always happy to be home and not in the kitchen. We even ended with an impromptu photo shoot in the front of my Grandmother’s house. We each took photos with my Mom and even got some bloopers with my Mom and Dad. They really were something else together. It was the best day and my Mom was so happy!
Going back to growing up, I never really thought about what it would feel like to not have my Mom around. My Mom ended up passing away later that month, and my entire world was turned upside down. This amazing woman that gave me life was gone. I would never hear her voice again. I would phone out of habit to tell her something good about work or a new job. Or to ask her advice and then it would hit me that she was gone.
Recently, I mentioned to my sister that sometimes I wish that everyone that I’ve met, especially since moving out here, knew me before Mama passed away. The last couple of days I’ve really been trying to figure out why is that? Was life easier back then? Was I happier? Not necessarily. I guess what I meant by that is that I wish those people could have experienced me before I had experienced the heavy weight of grief. Then I had to realize that every situation that I’ve gone through has shaped me into the person I am today. This person that is here today, is here for a reason. My experiences may help someone else. There is a not a day that goes by that I don’t think about my Mom. It can be a commercial, a song, a car etc. I see my Mom in myself, my Aunt, who my Mom practically raised, and my sister.
On my journey I am trying to find comfort in knowing that I got to have my Mom for 28 years. For that I am truly grateful. Of course, some days are easier than others. As I celebrate Mother’s Day this year I am realizing that sharing my feelings and experiences is a part of my healing journey. I do not have to be afraid of releasing my emotions or showcasing how I am truly feeling. Today might be heavy for some and it may be the happiest day for others. How does Mother’s Day feel to you? Whatever your response is today, I encourage you to feel whatever it is you need to feel.
Happy Mother’s Day Mama! I love you.
